The earth died screaming.

My neuroses have not been on the upswing. Lately, I've felt that my head is wrapped in a green, Bram Stoker sort of fog. I'm a little frightened. Phobic, I mean. Not reasonably frightened, but frightened in general. I feel that I went to bed with a world that I could hope to one day understand, and I woke on a hostile alien planet with no star chart or memory of the bus ride.

I used to walk down the street and look people, especially people that I perceived as a threat, directly in the eye to show my fearlessness. Lately, I don't want to look at anyone because I'm afraid that they might be vicious and cruel - a rapist or a murderer or a torturer. I know that it sounds crazy, but it's creeping over me.

My mind has always leaned towards the absurd. My thoughts have always been a little unsettled, especially on certain days. I mean, some days are better than others and some days I'm morose and some days I'm overwhelmed with radical hope. But some days my mind leans more towards the absurd.

Yesterday I passed the television in the media center at the school. It was tuned to a news station and the little ticker at the bottom was spurting news. I stopped to watch the images of New Orleans, tired, depressed, and I noticed that the ticker read: Al-Qaeda claiming responsibility for... And I honestly thought for a moment that Al-Qaeda was going to claim responsibility for Hurricane Katrina. How absurd is that? I shook my head and felt a little like I did when Fain had been home from the hospital for a couple of weeks. I hadn't slept in weeks for his crying and nursing at night, and the world became an unfamiliar, shifting place. I felt like things might be connected in some obvious way that I can't perceive. I felt a little disheveled and confused. I felt dizzy when I got home and sunken. I feel a little frightened and confused by the world today.