For lack of a more eloquent phrase - teaching blows.
I mostly hate teaching...again. Somehow I thought it would be different now that I'm older and wiser. But it still blows. Kids suck. Yes, okay, I know that these completely lack-luster words seem to go against all that I ever write about or try to be. But how much time have you spent with a teenager lately? There's no better way to say it. They're assholes.
Right. Right. Not all of them. I have one whole class that I'd walk to the moon for. They're sweet and they're easily entertained. They laugh at my jokes and they work well together. They ask questions and tell stories. I love them to death.
Unfortunately that class is sandwiched between my two other classes of 31 kids each that I've unlovingly named the FDA - Future Delinquents of America. All good feelings that I may have from the smiling wanna-learners in third period are scraped off of me within the first ten minutes of fourth period. I hate to say it, but I can't stand those kids. And the feeling is mutual. I can see it in the way they sneer and snarl.
Well, I guess the poetic veneer is all but sand-blasted away now, and I can't think of anything nice or pretty to say anymore. Maybe I'll come up with something later.
Right. Right. Not all of them. I have one whole class that I'd walk to the moon for. They're sweet and they're easily entertained. They laugh at my jokes and they work well together. They ask questions and tell stories. I love them to death.
Unfortunately that class is sandwiched between my two other classes of 31 kids each that I've unlovingly named the FDA - Future Delinquents of America. All good feelings that I may have from the smiling wanna-learners in third period are scraped off of me within the first ten minutes of fourth period. I hate to say it, but I can't stand those kids. And the feeling is mutual. I can see it in the way they sneer and snarl.
Well, I guess the poetic veneer is all but sand-blasted away now, and I can't think of anything nice or pretty to say anymore. Maybe I'll come up with something later.
posted by Autumn at 9:31 PM
6 Comments:
Eloquence be damned....you're right. Teaching is a shitty job. As a teacher you are a member of one of the most underappreciated and underpaid, overworked groups in this country. You have every right to bitch about your jackass students who couldn't care less. But that's their problem. They are the ones who don't realize what it is you are trying to pass on to them. They are trying to make you feel lost and rejected and useless, because in their minds, if they break you, they win. I went to high school with these people, same as you I'm sure. You know the type all too well now. But please, don't let them break your spirit. My wifes friend is a teacher in a grade school where they are severely underfunded and one of her students..a 4th grader.. has hit her before. So I'm sure the desire to quit is a great one. But those little assholes are just waiting for you to give in. Don't do it. If you do, they'll know how to break you and they'll tell their friends and so on, and then that's all you'll be is a target. The good students will like and respect you, but the idiots and the fence-sitters will attack you looking to gain some sort of popularity through harrassing you. I'm not trying to bring you down, and if I am, let me know and I'll stop responding, but I've been reading this little blog of yours for a while now, and I'd hate to see the passion and the desire and the beauty in your thoughts be taken away by some batch of hormonal little cretins with no aspirations. Also, don't feel compelled to be poetic and deep alll the time. Reality is what gives this blog it's life blood. Not the words you use, but the way you use them. I don't know you from any stranger on the street, but from what I've read, you're someone I can believe in...so I do. I believe in ya kiddo. So keep on keepin on. They can't take your spirit if ya don't let them.
Thanks, guys. I'm feeling better today. You're right, Scott. I decided (again) today (as I have almost every morning of this brief school year) that I would not quit just yet (primarily because I refuse to give the little S.O.B.s the satisfaction of being able to say, "Miss Lady quitted cuz of I.") and that I have already been through far more than what a band of disheveled, jerk-wad teenagers can throw at me from their moving cars. Jerk-wads.
Further, I managed to win over one of my lost children from fourth period today, which I consider quite a victory. And she actually told me that I should send more people to "Chill Out" and that I need to be much stricter. (This after a meeting with her and the assistant principal because she didn't think the detention that I gave her was fair. Interesting.) After school, while she was serving said detention, she congratulated me on pulling the whip out on the rest of the crew of ragamuffins and told me that I shouldn't give up. That was nice.
Honestly, though. I still hate teaching. Just not in the throw-a-rope-over-the-rafter-and-kick-the-chair-out-from-under-me-kind-of-way that I did yesterday.
But, Scott, your words are so kind, and I can't express how much they mean to me. Thanks, again.
Jack. Nice to hear from you. Heller was right.
Glad to hear that you're off your chair anyway. I feel a little out of my league in this blog sometimes as I fear I am not as well read and verbose as some of your other loyal readers, but I hope that I am able to at least give something to you in the honesty of what I'm saying. I really enjoy reading this blog. It's nice to see that there are those out there who do care. They seem so few and far between. I'd hate to lose one of the good ones.
Please don't feel out of you league. I can't imagine! I'm always delighted to have you here. (It's been years since I've been able to read the way that I'd like to. I feel practically illiterate at this point in my life. Any quotes from me come from dry storage in the dusty recesses of my mind. Fortunately, I have a limited supply of friends - and none within reach - so I don't ever actually talk in real life. Necessarily, any tidbits crammed in corners of my brain or joggled loose from my ear after a day of staring vapidly fall out here. This is absolutely purging and my only opportunity to express myself to a someone else who may be able to relate to me. I hate the idea that I might seem verbose. I just love words and I obsess over the right one - the one with the perfect curves, points, nuances, sounds, textures, etc. So I spend a lot of time at dictionary.com and thesaurus.com.)
Well, I must make a small confession. I am a very avid reader, though the classics don't normally make my lists. And I am fairly eloquent when the need arises, but I actually enjoy coming here and reading the quotes and thoughts that you and all the other respondants leave. See, in my circle of friends, albeit a small one, I am the only one who reads for enjoyment. If they read the back of the cereal box, it's an accomplishment. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends with all my heart. I'm 27 and have known two of them for 20 and 21 years respectively, so there is some history. But sometimes I want a conversation or an idea that revolves around more than an X-Box. So please, by all means, say what's in your mind. I enjoy the break from my reality into yours.
I know exactly what you mean. You'd think, being surrounded by teachers, I'd have found more people to really talk to. (I say "really talk" because I hate small talk and I don't consider it the real thing. It's more like busy work. Most of the conversations that I have are busy work.) There are a couple of teachers who are also writers or readers, but I still haven't found the time to really talk with anyone since I've moved here. Most of the chats that I've had have been work-related or casual this-and-thats. And sometimes I feel an ache to talk to someone about something that is absolutely abstract, irrlevant, and stimulating. I'd love to find a book club. Reading without having anyone to discuss the book with is like watching a funny movie alone. You keep looking around, nudging the air, saying, "heh? heh? did you hear that?" but no one is there to respond, so you end up feeling ridiculous. (Maybe that's just me.) I don't feel like I get as much out of a book when I read it alone. I always want to discuss it with someone. Somehow the back and forth of ideas creates a more tangible appreciation. I can't tell you the number of exes that I have that were devestated and intolerably annoyed by my habit of attempting to sneak in a tete-tete on extended metaphors or diction into an otherwise pleasant evening. (I think I may have mentioned somewhere my perpetually poor decision-making when it comes to choosing partners. Perhaps I should make potential dates pass an SAT for me? Write a book report? Suggestions?) Anyway. Thanks again for stopping in.
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